Ultimate Co-Worker, Conversations with the Third Reich, and the Wisdom of Woody Allen.

(December 7, 2006)

I am always glad to have the Ultimate Co-worker with me during close encounters with obvious lunatics. Since I've started slinging the coffee, steaming the milk, icing the chai, and so forth, I haven't met too many notable crazies. I mean, no one can keep up with Sam. However, this means that the crazies I do meet are all the more memorable.

Tuesday, for example, an Aryan gentleman came in for something other than tea. Still, something about the tea display compelled him to comment disdainfully: "Zen tea? You think Japanese people drink Christian tea?"

In these sorts of situations -- in which there is no correct answer -- I find it's best to go with something non-committal in the interest of sidestepping any potential outbreak of physical violence. Had I not been talking to a psycho, I could have said what I was thinking: "Nothing tastes better than a steamy cup of self-righteous hypocrisy." I think, instead, I went with something like, "Uh ... hmm" while Ultimate Co-Worker said, "Right, man."

Today, as I was mid-latte, a tall psycho thought it'd be really fun to lurk around over the espresso machine and then quiz me over the contents of his companion's drink.

Tall psycho: So, what -- you just steam milk?
Me: Yeah, and then blend it with espresso.
TP: Gross.
Me: Actually, it's kind of delicious.
TP: I bet you think it is.
Me: Ok. Fine. We're done here.

After today's tall psycho, I kept thinking about that scene in Annie Hall where Woody Allen is interviewing people on the street -- "I ask a psychopath, I get that kind of an answer." I've come to appreciate the Sorostitute consumer; at least they're too busy talking into their cell phones to engage me in conversation.