More abuse, please.

(June 21, 2007)

Last week, I went to a Pirates game on what was apparently Ladies' Night, although ladies didn't get free beer, beer in buckets, t-shirts, t-shirts in buckets, or any other special benefit that I'm aware of. The overall lameness of Ladies' Night was only compensated for by the pierogi race. Sauerkraut Saul won. Oh, and so did the Pirates.

I don't really understand the correlation between Pittsburgh, pierogies, and pirates. Maybe pirates love eating delicious, carbtastic foods in Pittsburgh. And there's nothing wrong with that.
That's all for my segue. Now, here's my list of Top 5 Places in Morgantown (and the vicinity) to Get Abused:

5. PNC Park on Ladies' Night -- because ladies get free disappointment.
4. 123 -- because if you're not there every night, you're not a regular. And if you're not a regular, you can go to hell.
3. High Street, any time after 9 p.m., any day during the fall or spring semesters -- because I am a vagina, not a person.
2. Black Bear Burritos -- because the air conditioning may or may not be on, and you may or may not see the entire English department, but the one thing you can bet on for sure is that there are going to be a lot of screaming toddlers running around unchecked while their parents ingest Spring Creek tofu and PBR.
1. The Blue Moose -- because hipsters are total dicks.

Every time I go to the Blue Moose I have to interact with the same hipster -- the one with the hair that looks like a Lego helmet. And she's always a total dick to me. Her latest thing is acting like she can't hear me when I've just politely ordered at a reasonable human volume, and then standing behind the counter with her head cocked to the side giving me a look that conveys her suspicion that I am not only a freakish mute, but also possibly retarded.

Yesterday, I saw her smoking and I thought, Good.