National Racist Week

Hey, racists!

Hats off to you, this week, for really stepping up your game. First, you arrested a black Harvard professor, blatantly furthering the notion that Boston is one of the most flagrantly racist places in America. But blaming the victim isn't just for cops anymore; some Boston Globe readers even got in on the action and left insightful anonymous comments [sic]:

Here we go. Let's blow this out of all proportion. Let's not wait until we hear the full story....bring on the Jesse Jackson/Al Sharpton circus.

sure. EVERY minority who has to deal w/ the police, merited or not, is the victim of...what was that again? racial profiling? oooh that sounds bad, the cops r badd peeple!

Enough of throwing down the race card ... we have a Black President now, so that tired old ship has sailed. The guy got indignant like any self-important Harvard professor does, pulled the old "Do you know who I am?" routine, and got arrested as a result.

Then, not to be outdone by those uppity bitches who can't even pronounce the letter R, but think it's a word, the Midwest stepped up its game and kicked some brown kids out of a swimming pool for altering 'the complexion' and 'atmosphere' of a country club.

No, really.

Now, of course, the Creative Steps daycare is suing the Valley Swim Club and Tyler Perry is bankrolling 65 of those brown kids to go to Disney World -- for two days. What a selfless and truly inspired move that is not only tax deductible, but will also completely erase the pain of racism -- for two days.

Coming soon to a theatre near you: Madea Makes a Nominal Effort.

Now look, South, I know you've had this racism thing in the bag since before Satan planted the slaves' bones here to trick President Lincoln into signing the Emancipation Proclamation, but don't get complacent on me now. You've been awfully quiet this week. Imagine: 65 yankee brown kids with minimal supervision in the happiest place on Earth™. That's a little freebie from the Midwest. Can you put down the Mountain Dew long enough to extend some Southern hospitality™?

When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong.

I can't think of any quicker way to get your tires slashed.

A Tribute.

My first thought, upon hearing of Michael Jackson's death: I didn't know he could do that. I seriously thought the man would never die.

My second thought: He threw out The Shocker a lot while dancing. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized how deeply ingrained this particular hand gesture is in our culture.

Of course, one always has options when throwing a sign:

But The Shocker remains tried and true because of its beautifully efficient symbolic nature in non-verbal communication. It's almost as if "When You Say Nothing at all" was written with this gesture in mind.

MJ does it.

George Takei almost does it.

Letterman does it.

Ben Stein does it.

.

Chuck Norris does it.

Administrative professionals do it.

W does it.

It runs in the family.

Cheerleaders do it.

Again.

And Again.

Retired cheerleaders do it.

No wonder cheerleading is the most dangerous sport.

The $588 oil change

At this point, I feel I have gathered enough evidence to issue a general warning: Do not go to Jiffy Lube.

1. SMF took his reliable foreign car for an oil change. He got upsold a new air filter -- which was never installed. He told them it was never installed, and they remedied the situation by charging him for it a second time.

2. I took my humble Ford to Jiffy Lube for an oil change. Jiffy Lube then lost or simply discarded my oil filler cap, which caused oil to spray all over my engine like a fucking geyser. Of course, I didn't realize this until my car started smoking (like a fucking geyser) and I had to take it to a mechanic, who now wants to charge me $588 to replace a cap, some antifreeze, and power steering fluid.

It is worth noting that SMF and I did not go to the same Jiffy Lube, so I have to assume this is something more than coincidence, and I hereby dismiss them all as crap.

Do not go to Jiffy Lube.