The East Coast Opportunity Myth

I went to look at some houses with SMF yesterday. It should have been a joyous occasion, as it is totally a big deal to buy one's first home. I was happy for SMF and, I think, appropriately reverent of his success heretofore, as I realize that, even if I had generous parents who loved me enough to kick in for a down payment -- which I do not, currently, have -- I still wouldn't be able to buy a house by myself here unless I doubled my salary. And that, I think, explains why these billboards are all over Baltimore:



So, here's how I came away from day two of househunting disillusioned, confused, and slightly angry. SMF has x number of dollars to spend. That number used to sound like a lot to me as, where I come from, x number of dollars will buy you something like this:


It's really greatexcitingwonderful that SMF is buying a home. That's definitely preferable to renting an apartment in the country's murder capital. But. For God's sake, my parents spent less than x, and they have an indoor pool. Apparently, in Maryland, x number of dollars buys you a townhouse with on-street parking. SMF sees nothing wrong with this, so that's definitely one benefit of growing up here: diminished expectations.

We looked at three houses yesterday and, as they went from fine, to nearly acceptable as a starter home, to decrepit and horrifying, I looked back with nostalgia at everywhere else I've ever lived. And even though I wonder, Why does anyone live here? at least three times a week, my normal bewilderment took on an edge of existential desperation during and after househunting. I was told our economy was in the toilet, and that home prices were falling to unbeatable lows. I guess I got too excited about that, because then I realized: What if these places are selling for less than they're "worth?"

I thought of a friend who just purchased a house in Ohio for $10,000. I thought about what x number of dollars will buy you in Delaware. And then I tried to picture the rest of my life in Maryland.


Mostly, I came away from yesterday's experience ashamed of my hypothetical inability to contribute; even if SMF and I were buying a house together, we'd still be looking at townhouses with on-street parking -- just, maybe, in Howard County. I have to get a better job. Immediately.

The real bitch about all this is that I only moved here because I was told there were jobs here. And every time I talk to a new transplant, they say, "There are jobs here." Of course, there are jobs here that you can't do anywhere else; no one I know has one of those jobs. But we all keep perpetuating this notion, like we couldn't be teachers, lawyers, engineers, social workers, journalists, literally anywhere else.

This East Coast opportunity myth must die. It's misleading, and untrue, and just wrong. Native Marylanders get weirdly offended when I ask Why does anyone live here? but, as far as I can tell, people only live here because they're already here.


But, you know, this isn't really my thing. I don't understand why people live here, but I have to admit I'm impressed by people who can. Good luck settling, homeowners.