Dudes: What the hell?

I really don’t know what got into you today, but I think we need to talk.

1. Stooges on Route 50: There were three of you, in the front seat of a pickup truck. Even before you left me with no choice but to roll down my window and command “Stop. Staring. At. Me.” I think it was pretty safe to assume none of you were going to get laid today.

2. Carpe Diem in L’Enfant Plaza: You were excited by Ovechkin and pitched backward in imitation of something that happened at the Caps game for the amusement of your travelling companion. You brought the full weight of your body down on my left foot, which was nowhere near you. Did you really think I would give you my phone number so we could ‘meet up’ later? Perhaps you rationalized the decision to act on this impulse with a rhetorical device such as, What's the worst that could happen?

Well. Now you know.

3. ‘Bag at upscale dining establishment: “Will you excuse me? I broke my foot earlier, and my shoe is filling up with blood.”