And so will I.

Perhaps because he remembered my extemporaneous lecture about why it was probably a bad idea to go to the tattoo parlor down the road that advertises half-price tattoos on an old, spray-painted plank of wood, when I passed 12th grade Nick in the hallway before class today, he was really excited to tell me, with a newly acquired lisp, that he got his tongue pierced over spring break.

So, then I had him lead the discussion on Tolstoy's "How Much Land Does a Man Need?" because it was funny to me to hear him say 'much,' 'does,' and 'Tolstoy' over and over again.

12th grade Shantal and I continued arguing the merit of the Twilight series.

"Shantal," I said, "I'm on page 465 in the second book, and nothing has happened yet. Only one thing has happened so far in the entire series. What's the basis of its appeal?"

"Well," she said, "I know some people who read the whole series just to get to the sex scene in book four."

"It can't be that good. The author is a Mormon."

"A what?"

"I know, right? ... Mormons are a particular type of Christian. They're really into not having premarital sex."

"Oh..."

"Ok -- I never want to hear that The Iliad is boring again. Who would read 1,900 pages just to get to a sex scene that ends in conception?"

"I know some people."

"You did, didn't you, Shantal?"

"Yeah. I did."