Hallmark should make a 'Thank You for Not Dating Me' card.

I've been reading -- and thoroughly enjoying -- Psychotic Letters from Men today. Not only did this glittering piece of interweb brilliance lead me to this steaming pile of fuckery, it also reminded me of the following fond memory from last October.

I made nebulous plans to do something date-like with a gentleman who was, apparently, named Jeff. The details of how this arrangement came to be are hazy, as I was dating pretty feverishly at this point. I don't remember why plans were nebulous, but there must have been one of only two possible reasons in play:
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a) He was too lazy, ineffectual, or stupid to come up with a date idea

b) I was ambivalent and didn't care whether I saw him

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So, the pre-plan plan was for one of us to call the other on Saturday afternoon to establish plans. Unfortunately, I woke up sick that day -- truly, audibly, sick. My phone rang at noon, while I was attempting to sleep in. It was Jeff. I politely told him I wasn't feeling well, and would have to cancel the plans we hadn't even made.
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I didn't think much of the whole affair. Obviously, Jeff did, because shortly thereafter, I got this email [sic]:
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On Oct 21, 2008, at 1:30 PM, Douchebag wrote:

I thought it was worth mentioning that your behavior was not respectable at all. I had a girlfriend who told me about how she had been set up on a blind date, and it was VERY akward. Apparently she got up to go the the restroom and left the guy. I think that kind of thing shows incredible lack of character and decency. The fact that you wanted to cancel on Saturday was perfectly acceptable, and I would have had total respect for it had you taken the effort to tell me. Ignoring me and making me call you to find out is just plain rude. Your bahavior was disrespectful, low character, and completely unnecessary. Best luck.

Jeff

Obviously, there's a lot going on here.

1. The latent fear of rejection.

2. The comparison to an ex-girlfriend, contingent upon some perceived insight into my character somehow obtained before our first date.

3. The creep factor required to muster the anger to send me a passive-aggressive tirade about cancelling plans that were never made in the first place.

4. The delusional revisionist history and/ or inability to listen -- I did make the effort to cancel. By answering the phone that rang, while I was sleeping, at least eight hours before any potential date could have conceivably occurred.

5. The condescension. I'm glad my refusal to go out was "acceptable," but, no, it wasn't worth mentioning. Most things Mensa here has to say probably aren't worth mentioning.

6. The lack of editing. Jesus. Christ.

I hadn't received a Psychotic Letter from a man in a while, and I was at work, so I didn't really have time to peel apart the layers of stank in this onion of manFAIL, but I did the polite thing (again) and responded -- with prepositions -- to his missive.

Date: Tue, Oct 21, 2008 at 4:28 PM

Subject: Re: hey

To: Douchebag

I might have rescheduled if you weren't so thoroughly irritating, Jeff.